Saturday, January 17, 2009

The Truth About Men

Breaking the Code of Silence- The Top 10 Things That Every Woman Should know about Men
Posted by Lonnie J. Hamilton on January 17, 2009 at 1:07am in Into the Mind of a Man @

1. Men don’t change- This one is most important and that’s why I listed it first. The most common mistake I see women falling victim to in their decision making procedures when it comes to men is the fact that they feel they can change a specific man into the man that they want him to be. Now, that man may have some attractive qualities about him that she likes, but still he lacks in areas that are important to her as well. So instead of her choosing to eliminate the possibility, she would rather accept this man as he is now, with hopes that she can remold or recreate him into who she really wants him to be. Whoever a man is when you meet and get to know him, that man will be 5, 10, and 15 years down the line. Not saying that men have no capabilities of changing when it comes to certain habitual actions and/or personality flaws, but the nature and character of that man will remain the same. Most women settle for less than they know they deserve out of desperation and a fear of prolonged loneliness. But would you rather be single and happy, or involved and miserable? You cannot change a man into a different man. He is who is he, and if he’s not who you want, need, and desire then don’t accept an incomplete man because you feel you will never find a complete one. Always remember that patience is a virtue, and the nature that a man presents is who he is. So if he’s not who you want, don’t try to force him to become just that. You’re only wasting your time.

2. Men Think More Than They Feel- This one is common knowledge yet I see so many women acting as if it is not. Men are thinkers, and women are feelers. The human being is made up in three parts, and where we differ is where most common problems occur. Women are spiritual, emotional, and then physical. Men are spiritual, physical, and then emotional (although we sometimes act mostly physical). We clash because women feel men don’t listen and/or understand, and men think women just don’t get that we are capable of understanding without all the emotional dramatics that some women may display in order to convince their man and force him into understanding. Men take in everything you say, believe it or not, and we process it through thought and not feeling. If we think what you said to us is important then we will act upon it in the realm of the natural or physical. If we think what you said has no value or that it carries no real weight, then you will see no change. Simply put, if you’re constantly talking or arguing with your man about how you feel, and different things he does and does not do, and still you see no adjustments, I think you already know what that means. It means that he doesn’t value you enough to compromise what he thinks for how you feel. So the patterns become cyclical until you decide to stop being taken for a ride.

3. Men Need You More Than They Say- Since the beginning of time man has needed a woman to make things better, right, and peaceful in his life. Adam had everything imaginable upon his creation, but still was incomplete without the woman of Eve to make him whole. Women are multipliers in the sense that whatever a man sows, because of that woman, what he reaps will be multiplied in its final stage. A man sows seeds, and then a woman gives him children. A man may buy groceries, and then a woman will give him a meal. A man may purchase a house, and then a woman will make it a home. Anything that a good woman touches will be multiplied for her man. And men may never voice their need for you, but trust me when I tell you that the need is there and it is strong. The strength of a woman and her support is all a real man needs in order to be all that he is destined to be. Real women make real men better men, and that is why real women are needed most.

4. Men Protect What They Value- It is in a man’s nature to protect what is most valuable to him. Rather it be his woman, his children, or material things of value; that man will protect what it is he feels is most important. If you feel that your man is not one who values you enough to protect you then the question becomes why do you risk the relationship? I ask that because with no protection involved you’re putting yourself in harm’s way. Of course you may say “Well I can protect myself” but my question is, why should you have to? Especially if you have a man.

5. Men Are Not Destructive- Boys are destructive in their nature, simply because of their rambunctious ways of behaving at times. Real men, however, build up and never tear down. A real man will build you up with his words and through his actions. If a man tears you down verbally, mentally, and/or physically then he has not yet grown into a man, and you need to reevaluate why it is that you remain with someone who’s constantly destroying you.

6. Men Cry- Sometimes men will tell you that this is not a true or accurate statement. Some men raise their son(s) with the belief that “Real men don’t cry” when it fact the real men are the ones who have enough of an emotional connection with themselves and with those most important to him, that if need be, that man will have no problem shedding tears from what may transpire from any specific event he may be dealing with at the time. I have seen men who are getting married fight their hardest to keep the tears from streaming down their face as they see their bride for the first time. I have seen me hold back their tears when attending a loved one’s funeral service, and all of this stems from men growing up with the thought in mind that if I cry it shows weakness when it fact it really shows strength. Tears don’t make a man weak, and if you think so then you need challenge why you think that way. Tears are a part of human nature. There are tears of joy and tears of pain, and a real man is secure enough in his masculinity to freely express his own when the time calls for that type of expression. Just because a man cries that does not make him a whiner. Whiners are totally different and can be male or female. Men cry, and those who fight so hard to prove that they don’t have some serious security issues with their manhood.

7. Men Thrive Off of Reaction- Have you ever noticed how a man becomes following a reaction that was totally not expected by him? A man may give you a gift of some sorts and all while that man is purchasing the gift, having the gift wrapped, and thinking of the perfect time to present to you this wonderful gift, this man’s mind is totally focused upon how you will react to what it is that he is doing. It may have nothing to do with a gift. It may be him taking out the trash without you having to remind him, or doing the laundry without you having to ask him, or cooking dinner without you knowing. Whatever the reason may be, this man is expecting you to react the same way you are reacting in his mind. Now when you don’t react the same exact way or remotely close to the way he thinks you should be reacting, then that man will have a problem with that. Of course this is a most juvenile way of response, but unfortunately that’s how men are. When we say “Look honey I cooked dinner for you” or “This is for you, just because I love you” and your reaction is a simple “Thank you” or “Awww thanks baby, I love you to” without the back flips we think you should be turning because of what we just did, we indeed have a problem with that. If you give us an awesome reaction, no matter what the deed may be, you will see how that motivates us to do more. This should not be a requirement, and it’s rather funny when you think about it, but that’s how men are. Our future actions are motivated and determined by your present response, or lack thereof.

8. Men Don’t Know What You Want- Although this is a sad statement it is in fact a true statement. I previously wrote a work titled “The 10 Definitions of What Every Woman Wants” and the women who had an opportunity to read it were amazed by what it stated and some even more angered by the fact that more men don’t act as if they know the same thing. The truth is most men don’t know what it is that women want. We think we do and we’ll never fully tell you that we don’t, but in most cases we don’t know and that’s why you find yourself becoming repetitive and frustrated from his ignorance and/or stupidity. Most men have no clue, and that is unfortunate. Some men will grasp the knowledge of your needs, wants, and desires once you relay them to him. Those men that don’t take heed to this information will not be the best men to be involved with. Trust me.

9. Men Mean It When They Say “I Don’t Care”- Some men have a tendency of responding with a direct “I don’t care” when you ask them something that they genuinely have no concern about. This is not always bad but it’s not always good. If you were to say to your man “I’m leaving you” or “I’m unhappy in this relationship” and after he gets tired of your “nagging” him about it he gives you a firm “I don’t care! Leave then!” the truth is he really doesn’t care rather you stay or go, and that’s sad to me. You can feel when a man cares about you and how you feel about him, and you can tell when he doesn’t. Most women in unhappy relationships know that that man doesn’t care about them simply because he says it in more ways than verbal (i.e. lack of action, lack of responsibility, divided attention, lack of compassion, and lack of time). Now the real question is does your man care about you?

10. Men Love HARD- When a real man genuinely loves someone or something, he loves hard. Real men, that is, have no problem expressing their love for you. Real men love deep, from their soul, and they express it to you in awesome and unimaginable ways. If your man doesn’t love you hard, and I don’t mean anything sexually, then his “love” for you should be in question. That man’s love will be pure, honest, without pain and without suffering. It will be unconditional and centered solely upon you.

Lonnie J. Hamilton of The Core Being Consulting Group

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